How Do I Talk to my Child about ADHD?

How Do I Talk to My Child About ADHD?

This is such an important question to ask! It's great that you're thinking about it. This shows you're on the right track. Talking about ADHD is vital for several reasons:

• We want to inform our kids about their neurodivergence in a way that is developmentally appropriate.

• We aim to foster self-awareness and self-acceptance, helping them start their learning and growing experiences positively.

• We want to highlight their strengths and marvelous uniqueness while acknowledging the real challenges they may face due to ADHD.

• It's essential for them to know they are not alone; many other kids and adults live with ADHD and thrive.

• We want our kids to understand that we are here for them with openness and acceptance. We are committed to accessing the support they need for their individual experiences with ADHD.

  
  

Preparing for the Conversation

There are many factors to consider when discussing ADHD with your child. Here are the most important points to prepare for this conversation:

1. Start with a Strength-Based Approach

   Always begin with a strength-based and “everyone is unique and special” approach. Tell your child what you love about them and what you think their strengths are. Put some thought into this. Write down your list before you approach your kiddo so you are ready to share this all-important information.

   
   

2. Discuss Different Minds

   Point out that there are all kinds of people with all kinds of minds. Each of us deserves help and care to feel good about ourselves. You might share your own needs. For example, you might say you need glasses to see well or need more time to understand instructions. If you live with ADHD, share what helps you! Invite them to talk about other kids or adults they know who need help with various tasks.

   
   

3. Explore Their Feelings

   Ask your child what it’s like for them to do something that is not easy. You may know a few challenges they face. For instance, ask them how they feel when they have to clean their room, do chores, or finish homework in a subject they dislike. This gives your child a chance to express their struggles. Encourage them to name their feelings. Having a list of feelings on hand can be helpful for them to refer to.

   
   

4. Reassure Your Child

   Assure your child that you are there for them. Let them know you believe in them 100%. You will do everything you can to ensure they have the best experience possible as they learn and grow. You will handle the grown-up things so they can be the best kid they can be.

   
   

5. Find Age-Appropriate Resources

   Do an online search for age-appropriate books about ADHD. You may be able to order several through your public library or choose to buy a book to share with your child.

   
   

6. End with Love

   Conclude your conversation by reminding your child how much you love them and what you admire about them.

   
   
   
   

If your school-aged child is facing ADHD-related challenges in school, consider broadening your conversation. Visit the website for The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada (CADDAC) on your own. Here is the link for kids ages 7 to 17: CADDAC for Kids.

Under the ADHD and Education tab, you will find PDF documents for elementary and secondary school-aged children. Review the appropriate document for your child, focusing on the “impairments” kids with ADHD experience at school. Identify the ones you believe your child struggles with. Avoid overwhelming them with the entire list. Remember to tend to your own needs before approaching your child. If possible, access a counselor specializing in ADHD for support.

After reviewing the list, invite your child to discuss the items you think they are most impacted by. Ask them if they experience these challenges at school and how it feels for them. Depending on their level of awareness and age, they may notice they are different from some peers. Remind them that we are all unique and have different strengths and challenges in life. This conversation will help your child understand their need for help and may bring them relief to feel seen and heard by a caring adult.

Opening the Dialogue

This type of activity opens up a dialogue about ADHD and the importance of making accommodations at home and school. It may even lead to getting an IEP (Individual Education Plan) for your child. Always remind your child of their strengths during these discussions.

With older kids, especially those resistant to accommodations or medication, it's crucial for adolescents living with ADHD to understand that medication helps prevent impulsive and high-risk decisions. These decisions can lead to substance dependence, risky online behavior, and disordered eating. Medication is designed to help the part of the brain that focuses on making helpful choices rather than harmful ones. It also helps slow down racing thoughts, allowing them to pay attention and focus.

Emotional and physical safety are priorities for all children. We don’t want to scare our kids about the risks of untreated ADHD. By grade 6, they learn about drug dangers through programs like DARE. Use similar models to teach your child that people with ADHD may impulsively try substances or engage in high-dopamine activities like excessive gaming or online shopping.

Important Reminders

• It's not their fault they have ADHD.

• It’s not your fault they have ADHD.

• It’s no one’s fault.

  
  

As adults in our kids' lives, we must be well-informed about ADHD, our child's experiences, and how to advocate for them with school staff and medical professionals. Childhood is a time of constant change. As parents, we adapt to one stage of development, only to face another. None of us will navigate parenting perfectly. We can only do our best, and that is good enough.

I am here to help parents navigate these complexities. Remember, ADHD falls on a spectrum and is often accompanied by other challenges like learning issues or anxiety. ADHD is not necessarily a "superpower" or a horrible experience. Each person with ADHD is unique, with their own strengths and challenges. Please consider getting your child fully assessed through a psychoeducational assessment or by a pediatrician. Pediatricians have more time to spend with you and your child, gaining better insight into their needs.

A counsellor specializing in ADHD can also provide valuable support. I strongly advocate for parents to seek help because parenting through ADHD is more—more joy, excitement, activity, and emotions. And, since ADHD is so highly heritable, it is more than likely than one or both parents of the child with ADHD are living with it, too. This makes the parenting ride even more MORE. :) Either way, the more supported we feel as parents, the better we can show up for our children.

Warmly,

Tara